hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
