I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
