so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i out mim tonsoeep
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