peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
