And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
