How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
