we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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