you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
