It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
