i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
