Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So much rum. So many feels.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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