her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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