i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
