"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
