So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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