I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
