is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
