no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
