At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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