At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
