My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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