he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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