Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
