Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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