Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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