I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
