are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
