Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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