I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
