I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
