i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
