My underwear smells like fireworks.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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