my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
