The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize