So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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