PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Less talking, more tequila
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
