The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
