Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
