I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
