Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
what day is it and did you see me today?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
