I think I won the penis lottery.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
