I want to walk on stilts...naked
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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