Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
