i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
