I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
