Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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