break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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