The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
