how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
