No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
