i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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