ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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