I think im going to throw up on grandma
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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