i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
