It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
