So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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