I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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