yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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