go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
