my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
