Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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