Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
