im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
