Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
