I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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