If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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