is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is wine microwaveable?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize