I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
