that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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