Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
